Read about what God is doing in my life in these season
Testimonies.
I was a girl full of fears, fear of men, fear of speaking, singing, fear of failing, and any other fear you can think of, I was ruled by fears, and God set me free from all those fears and showed me who I am in Him and with Him. He replaced fear for freedom, for love, for peace, for a sound mind.”
— Beatriz Silva
Eu era uma menina cheia de medos, medo de homens, medo de falar, de cantar, medo de fracassar e qualquer outro medo que você possa imaginar. Eu era governada por medos, e Deus me libertou de todos esses medos e me mostrou quem eu sou Nele e com Ele. Ele substituiu o medo por liberdade, pelo seu amor, pela paz e por uma mente sã."
- Beatriz Silva
Rest & Peace
I am European, and something our continent carries is effectiveness and control and value for time, I was raised in Portugal and the UK, in a loving brazilian culture family, and I have always been a quiet, timid girl, scared of dogs and talking. I was the one who would listen and be aware of everything around me, I loved music, reading and writing, painting, and doing anything creative on a computer. I did well in school, had friends, but I was always the quite one, the peacemaker, and I suffered bullying during my teen years, mainly by guys in and outside of church, so that made me close up to friendships and relationships completely. And I carried a lot of fears, fear of failing because I was the pastor’s kid, fear of men’s opinions, fear of rejection, fear of missing out, I did not like me at all, I was the tall, skinny, curly hair girl, different from every straight hair, small girl in portugal, I would always stand out so I would be the target for comments and opinions. I was actually ruled by them, and in my mind, they were so justified because I was a quiet girl and people were just making a comment because I am skinny, I am healthy, and there is nothing wrong with me, but I was getting offended and diminishing me to the extreme not to be seen. These is my background coming to bssm. I was broken, heartbroken, had no self steem, I was scared of rejection, scared of what people including guys were thinking of me, I was almost looked in a room and I did not want to leave. I started bssm, I realized I had so many walls up and fears controlling my daily life and also my ability to interact with everyone around me.
God started to place people in my life in first year, which allowed me to start opening the door of that room to leave. God started to heal me, I remembered saying to the Lord, I am going to let you heal me for these whole year, I will leave my dignity and plans and let you completely transform me, I was so depressed and anxious, I had no other way, I knew I need Jesus, I needed his blood to cover me, I needed his love. It was a decision, not an easy one, God asked me to lay down my google calendar for a year, I love a calendar, not organise anything just lay that down and follow him for the next 9 months. I was so stretched, I was so challenged, but God really set me free, delivered me, healed me. I had so much unforgiveness towards people, I had so much anger towards myself and even my family. I had so many fears ruling my life. It seemed like everything started popping up in a spam od 9 months, and by the end of the year, I was a complete different person. I discovered the prince of Peace, my resting place.
God brought rest and peace into my life and I am forever changed by his mercies and kindness over me.
Testimonies
01 — American truck
We needed a car in Redding, to live in this city it was a necessity. We were struggling because having a car started being too expensive for us in Redding. We were paying so much money and the car we rented was not working well. So we were asking God for a solution, and we couldn't see a way out, we didn't have money to buy a car, so in the next week, a white Ford truck is parked in front of our house, small disclosure, I have always wanted to have a truck because they are big and you need to step up to enter the truck, so a dream for a tall person not needing to slide into a low car. Dream apart, we had this truck in front of our house here in Redding, and our neighbor said it was to rent, so we asked and it was significantly cheaper, car insurance was better for the two of us, and it was a better car, a truck, God surprised us with a better car, that car was a blessing for me and my brother!
02 — My first book
The difference between a published writer and you is that that writer took his book out of a drawer and published and you are still keeping it there. That phrase struck me last year in one of the writing classes I was attending with Pam Spinosi. Yes, I had several books on my drawers just there. Was I going to do anything about it? Was I going to publish my book, after I finished my second year I felt the Lord say, publish your book this summer, he gave me the front cover and the whole idea for the book, I am a graphic designer, and I actually have done several books and magazines, God kindly was remaining me that I had everything in my hands to do it. So in 3 months I wrote, designed, and edited my first book, a poem book, with photographs of the moments when those poems were written.
03 — Free from fear of men and public speaking
I grew up being really scared to fail, I was taught is all about perfection and your performance, portuguese and Brazilian cultures are like that even though my parents were not demanding at all, society did that, school and friends around me. So I have always been aware of my failures and always was really hard on myself to perform better next time, it could be even a conversation or a speech, a school presentation or a competition in my athletics team. And I was not aware that God did not make me to be a perfect doll on this earth because that is not possible, I am a human, full of human emotions, and things I am not good at, but I was always trying and failing so much, so I developed a lot of fears and actually had a lot of trauma, coming to bssm in my first year, I had an encounter with Jesus and that changed everything. I saw him in front of me, and he did not demand anything from me, he smiled and held my hand and said that he loved me, I was so overwhelmed by his love that this fear of not being perfect, the masks, the walls I put up, started to disappear. I used to say I would never talk in public, I am just going to be in a media team behind the camera, but God really started calling me out of my comfortable place. He started to give me opportunities to share and all the emotions or things I would do to try to reach perfection started not to work anymore, I was aware I needed to be who God created me to be in every moment, there was no need for performance, no need to fear what others are going to think, I started to fill the delight of the Lord, in just following His voice and sharing what he wanted me to share. Holy spirit is my friend now every second, I need him, because it is my weakness to speak in public, but God is made strong in my weakness. Now I write to you today, I am a complete free woman, loving Jesus each second of my life and taking risks because I do what I see the father do, I follow the Holy spirit and not fears anymore. Praise God!
Testemunhos
01 — Camioneta Americana
Precisávamos de um carro em Redding, para viver nesta cidade era uma necessidade. Estávamos a ter dificuldades porque ter um carro começou a ser demasiado caro para nós em Redding. Estávamos a pagar muito dinheiro e o carro que alugávamos não funcionava bem, Por isso, pedimos a Deus uma solução, e não conseguíamos ver uma saída, não tínhamos dinheiro para comprar um carro, na semana seguinte, uma carrinha Ford branca estava estacionada em frente à nossa casa, um pequeno parênteses, eu sempre quis ter uma camioneta americana porque são grandes e é preciso subir para entrar na carrinha, por isso, um sonho para uma pessoa alta que não precisa de deslizar para um carro baixo. Sonho à parte, tínhamos esta carrinha em frente à nossa casa aqui em Redding, e o nosso vizinho disse que era para alugar, por isso pedimos e era significativamente mais barato, o seguro do carro era melhor para nós os dois, e era um carro melhor, uma camioneta, Deus surpreendeu-nos com um carro melhor, fiquei tão grata!
02 — Meu primeiro livro
A diferença entre um escritor publicado e você é que esse escritor tirou o livro dele da gaveta e publicou, e você ainda o mantém lá. Essa frase me chamou a atenção no ano passado em uma das aulas de escrita com Pam Spinosi. Sim, eu tinha vários livros em minhas gavetas. Será que eu ia fazer alguma coisa a respeito? Depois que terminei o segundo ano, senti o Senhor dizer: "Publique seu livro neste verão". Ele me deu a capa e toda a ideia do livro. Sou designer gráfico e já fiz vários livros e revistas, e Deus gentilmente me disse que eu tinha tudo em minhas mãos para fazer isso. Então, em três meses, escrevi, projetei e editei meu primeiro livro, um livro de poemas, com fotografias dos momentos em que esses poemas foram escritos.
03 — Liberta do medo de homens e falar em publico
Cresci com muito medo de fracassar, fui ensinado que tudo gira em torno da perfeição e do desempenho, as culturas portuguesa e brasileira são assim, embora meus pais não fossem nada exigentes, a sociedade fazia isso, a escola e os amigos ao meu redor. Por isso, sempre estive ciente de meus fracassos e sempre fui muito exigente comigo mesmo para ter um desempenho melhor na próxima vez, seja em uma conversa ou em um discurso, em uma apresentação na escola ou em uma competição na minha equipe de atletismo. E eu não tinha consciência de que Deus não me fez para ser uma boneca perfeita nesta terra, porque isso não é possível, sou uma humana, cheia de emoções humanas e de coisas em que não sou boa, mas eu estava sempre tentando e falhando muito, por isso desenvolvi muitos medos e, na verdade, tive muitos traumas. Eu o vi na minha frente, e ele não exigiu nada de mim, sorriu, segurou minha mão e disse que me amava. Fiquei tão impressionada com seu amor que o medo de não ser perfeita, as máscaras, as paredes que eu erguia, começaram a desaparecer. Eu costumava dizer que nunca falaria em público, que só estaria em uma equipe de mídia atrás da câmera, mas Deus realmente começou a me chamar para sair do meu lugar confortável. Ele começou a me dar oportunidades de compartilhar e todas as emoções ou coisas que eu fazia para tentar alcançar a perfeição começaram a não funcionar mais, Eu estava ciente de que precisava ser quem Deus me criou para ser em cada momento, não havia necessidade de desempenho, não havia necessidade de temer o que os outros iriam pensar, comecei a sentir o prazer do Senhor, apenas seguindo Sua voz e compartilhando o que Ele queria que eu compartilhasse. O Espírito Santo é meu amigo agora a cada segundo, preciso dele, porque é minha fraqueza falar em público, mas Deus se fortalece em minha fraqueza. Agora que escrevo para vocês hoje, sou uma mulher completamente livre, amando Jesus a cada segundo da minha vida e correndo riscos porque faço o que vejo o Pai fazer, sigo o Espírito Santo e não tenho mais medo. Louvado seja Deus!